How Can This Be?

I have read that my greatest subconscious fear is intimacy. It is said that I unconsciously select love avoidants because I know they cannot ever give me true intimacy.

Yet, how can this be when there is such a burning desire within me for love. To give, to receive, to be fully immersed in love.

I am tasked with being alone. Apparently it is to do me some good. Yet, it only makes me yearn for partnership and companionship more.

It is stated that I am not content in my own solitude.

How can this be when I have spent the majority of my life alone?

“How sad that I am alone

in this odd time

sailing in a sea seeing no shoreline

moving the boat

in a grim dark night

in God’s water

with God’s grace. ” — Rumi

We are NOT meant to be alone.

Humans are pack animals. We originate from tribes and clans. In fact, I know my tribal blood. I blossom within a loving home – in a family.

Yet, I am to find peace alone.

The Hell with this. I don’t understand these boundaries and limitations!

Why is it wrong to be me? I was created for a reason. I was meant to share my love and exuberance. I was meant to be engulfed in the ecstasy of love.

“Anyone who is not in love cannot be as light as a soul

Like moon and stars cannot be orbiting restlessly

Hear it from me as the final word

A flag can never dance with no air and no wind.” — Rumi

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