I have read that my greatest subconscious fear is intimacy. It is said that I unconsciously select love avoidants because I know they cannot ever give me true intimacy.
Yet, how can this be when there is such a burning desire within me for love. To give, to receive, to be fully immersed in love.
I am tasked with being alone. Apparently it is to do me some good. Yet, it only makes me yearn for partnership and companionship more.
It is stated that I am not content in my own solitude.
How can this be when I have spent the majority of my life alone?
“How sad that I am alone
in this odd time
sailing in a sea seeing no shoreline
moving the boat
in a grim dark night
in God’s water
with God’s grace. ” — Rumi
We are NOT meant to be alone.
Humans are pack animals. We originate from tribes and clans. In fact, I know my tribal blood. I blossom within a loving home – in a family.
Yet, I am to find peace alone.
The Hell with this. I don’t understand these boundaries and limitations!
Why is it wrong to be me? I was created for a reason. I was meant to share my love and exuberance. I was meant to be engulfed in the ecstasy of love.
“Anyone who is not in love cannot be as light as a soul
Like moon and stars cannot be orbiting restlessly
Hear it from me as the final word
A flag can never dance with no air and no wind.” — Rumi